Two friends are talking: "How old are you?" No answer. "Okay, just the first three digits..." - Now they're ex-girlfriends.

A man goes to the doctor. Doctor: “You have to stop smoking!” - Man: “But I don't smoke.” - Doctor: “Then start and then stop. You have to do something good for yourself every now and then.”

"Do you know the difference between a good and a bad haircut?" - "About two weeks."

"You go jogging? How far do you usually run?" - "Until I'm tired. So mostly about 30 meters."

The teacher to the class: "Does anyone know the three kinds of people?" - Students: "Yes, those who can count and those who can't."